


When the days were long and the world was small

by HiHannah



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Songfic, kiss me slowly by parachute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 12:55:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3327611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiHannah/pseuds/HiHannah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan remembers the development of his relationship with Phil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When the days were long and the world was small

**Author's Note:**

> This is a songfic inspired by 'Kiss me Slowly' by Parachute. As requested by brebre1911.tumblr.com  
> Thank you so much!  
> Sorry it's kind of short and a bit crap, but whatever.

Dan and Phil were sitting opposite each other in the lounge, like they always do on a lazy afternoon.  
Dan remembered that time in 2009. When they had flirted so obviously. He had been a love-struck teenager back then.  
He remembered the first time he stayed the night.

 

They had dinner right after they finished filming the video. Then they were just hanging out in Phil’s bedroom, sitting on the bed and talking.  
Then there was that moment. That moment when they were joking around, playfully hitting each other and tickling each other. That moment when Dan was lying on the bed after a ‘tickle-attack’ from Phil, and Phil was right above him.  
Dan couldn’t contain himself, he pushed his head up and kissed Phil. For a second, he thought he’d ruined everything, but then Phil slowly kissed him back.  
They stayed in Phil’s room for the rest of the night. A few hand-jobs and a lot of making out was all that happened, but it was perfect.  
They didn’t know if it would last or what exactly would happen, but they couldn’t care less. They’d figure it out.

 

Only they didn’t.  
They broke up in 2011. Dan forced himself not to think of that night, but his mind automatically went to the broken heart.  
They didn’t sleep in the same room anymore, they didn’t kiss each other good morning and goodnight. His mind went to all the times he’d cried.  
Phil had still been his best friend, and every time he comforted Dan, Dan made up a story. He faked family drama, he faked being sad about the most random crap. Sometimes he pretended to have an existential crisis, when he had no other lies to tell Phil.  
He kept hiding the fact that he was crying because of Phil. Because they couldn’t be together, even though he wanted to.  
They tried, right? And look how that ended.  
No, Dan wanted to stay friends so he could get over it. He enjoyed being friends with Phil and he wasn’t gonna lose it over some stupid crush.

 

It wasn’t until after the radio show on Sunday stopped, that something changed. They had decided to change it into a slightly different show: the Internet Takeover show. They would have more time to focus on other things, like the new gaming channel they wanted to start, and the new merchandise shop.

On the night of their last Sunday Dan and Phil show, they were walking home.

“Dan?”

“Hm?”

“Are you sad?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Because you look sad.”

“Well... the radio show ended...”

“It didn’t, it just changed. And I know that’s not it. I’ve known you for too long to be fooled by such a lie. Why are you sad, Dan?”

“Because I can’t travel in time.”

“Where would you go if you could?”

“It’s _when_ , not _where_.”

“Dan.”

Dan sighed, he couldn’t avoid the question forever. “I would go to 2009. And talk to myself, give myself some advice.”

“What would you say?”

“I’d tell myself not to be a fool. And to remember that you have no control over things if you just let things happen.”

“What’s all that about.”

“Nothing.”

“Dan.”

“About life in general. About friendship. About love.”

“Is this about...?”

“Can we not do this here? Not outside, please.”

Phil nodded and they walked in silence. But the comfortable atmosphere was gone.

 

They came home.

“So you were talking about what happened when...”

“When we dated, yes.”

“And what exactly would you tell your younger self?”

“I would tell myself that you have no control over things if you just let it happen.”

“What things?”

“About who you fall in love with.”

“No one has control over that.”

“Yeah, but you can control the way you go about it. And you can decide to let your heart rule your mind or not.”

“That was, what? Four years ago? It still bothers you, doesn’t it?”

Dan felt tears forming behind his eyes. He nodded.

“What bothers you?”

How could Phil stay so calm? He was practically pulling the information out of Dan, his deepest secrets and most painful regret. How could he keep that comforting, soft voice?

“Falling for you.”

“Why?”

“Because it hurt, Phil. The break-up, the whole thing. It hurt me so bad, and it still does. It still fucking hurts!”

“It still...? So you...?”

Dan couldn’t take it anymore.  
His eyes were filled with tears, clouding his vision. He didn’t see the look of confusion and worry on Phil’s face turn into relief and hope when he pushed him aside and ran towards his bedroom. He locked the door and sat down, the back of his head resting against the wall and his knees pulled up to his chest. He let the tears roll freely down his cheeks.  
Why did he do this? Why did he let himself do it? _Again._

He had lost control, he let himself act on his feelings. He ruined all that was left of their friendship.

Phil knocked on the door.

“Dan, can I come in.”

Dan didn’t respond.

“Dan, let me in.”

“Dan, I can hear you crying, you’re not okay. Let me in!”

“I just want to talk, okay?”

Still nothing.

“Dan, say something.”

Dan didn’t say anything.

“Dan, I don’t want to lose you. Let me in. I just want to talk and make sure you’re alright. Nothing has been ruined between us, okay? We’re fine. Please let me in.”

Dan unlocked the door and sat down on the bed, Phil followed him.

“Tell me, Dan, are you still in love with me?”

“I-”

“The truth.”

“I still love you.”

Phil took Dan’s hands and leaned forward to kiss his head. “I still love you too.”

“Then why did you break up with me?” Dan asked through his sobs.

“Because I thought you wanted me to. I thought you weren’t happy with me. I was a stupid asshole.”

“You were. You have no idea how much it hurt.”

“Believe me when I say I do.”

Dan said nothing for a few moments.

“All those times you cried and didn’t want to say what made you sad, all those times I could tell you were lying, was that because of this? Because all the times I cried in the last few years, they were because of this.”

Dan nodded against Phil’s chest.

“Then there’s nothing to cry about now, Dan.”

Phil kissed Dan, through the salty tears on the cheeks of both men.

 

That was two months ago, Dan still couldn’t believe that the man sitting right there was his boyfriend.

“What are you thinking about, Dan?”

“You.”

“All good things, I hope?”

“Nothing but love.”

“You’re so cheesy.”

“I take that as a compliment.”


End file.
